20 things i’ve learned the hard way


  1. Don’t buy flavored olive oil. Ew.
  2. While you can dye/bleach your hair yourself, paying for a professional haircut is almost always worth it.
  3. Maintenance is easier than repair. (This applies to cars and relationships.)
  4. Be careful what you say when you’re drunk. It can haunt the other person (and/or you) for years.
  5. Plants need water, man!
  6. If there is a problem with your dishwasher/cat’s teeth/etc., it probably won’t “just go away on its own” (unfortunately).
  7. If an electric outlet isn’t working, check if there’s a light switch that needs to be flipped on BEFORE you call an electrician. They’ll charge you for making the trip out there.
  8. Some really popular things (Harry Potter, Rihanna) are popular for a reason. Avoiding them because they’re popular or because of a preconceived judgment is silly. Why not try ’em?
  9. Conversely, trying to work up excitement about something everyone else likes and you don’t is a waste of energy. It’s OK to disagree. You’re entitled to your own tastes and preferences, as long as you aren’t an asshole.
  10. Buying something you don’t love because it’s on sale is almost always a bad idea.
  11. Get a mattress protector. Periods happen. Absolutely no one wants a stained mattress when you move/get a new one.
  12. Speaking of, memory foam is cushy but HOT. Avoid.
  13. If you anxiously call a tow truck, make sure you get an ETA. Hearing they’ll be there “soon” but not knowing how soon “soon” is will only make you more anxious.
  14. If you’re about to get a massage and the masseuse is like “I’m so sick of calming ocean sounds. OK if I put on something a little more upbeat?” but you kind of want soothing ocean sounds, you can politely disagree/try to come to a compromise. It’s your massage!
  15. Kittens are a LOT of work (and will cost you sleep). Apparently this is also true of human children???????
  16. Always get a paint sample before you paint a room. Otherwise sunny yellow will turn out to be nacho cheese.
  17. You can’t expect to do anything perfectly (or even well) the first time (or the first few times). Failure is normal and should be celebrated–it means you’re trying, which is more than a lot of people can say!
  18. Asking someone, “What do you mean?” or “Can you clarify?” will save you hours, whether it’s hours of anguish from misunderstanding, or doing something that wasn’t what they wanted. Asking those questions doesn’t mean you’re stupid or a bad listener. It means you have different ways of communicating, or they were vague, or they’re just a bad communicator.
  19. If you walk into an office for a job interview and it’s very 1980s, and you can tell that working there will be like smooshing your funky circle self into a square hole, no amount of money/awesome benefits is worth it. You will be miserable.
  20. If someone likes you, you’ll know.

journal #10

(click to embiggen if u wanna read some mag’s tips for happiness. cliffsnotes: be grateful, work out, do what you love, nurture yo’ relationships, volunteer)

saw Janelle Monae live and it was everything

watching: Queer Eye season 2

listening to: no time for sleep, jump in your jeep // i’ll still kick your ass even in my skirt

you’ve got to feel it in your bones

I read about Bones (aka Bones UK) in a post about female-led bands on Oh No They Didn’t, and they’re AWESOME in an angry dirty badass way! Same vein as Garbage, although darker. Perfect for kicking down doors, real or metaphorical:

If Schoolhouse Rock dropped out of school and discovered heavy eyeliner:

Slightly NSFW at the beginning (song starts around 1:19):

I’ll give ’em my bones when their debut album comes out!! GET IT BONES LIKE MUNNY yeah pretty bad i know k bye

zolita – fight like a girl

Being out in the entertainment industry, especially as a woman, is tricky. On the one hand, I believe artists have a responsibility to be open, because their silence perpetuates assumed heteronormativity. Queer visibility is vital and saves many lives. On the other hand, I understand that some artists would rather keep their personal lives to themselves. As for me, being publicly out has been the most rewarding experience of my life.

lesbian feminist musician Zolita

(and another good interview)

what a colonoscopy is like, in Mean Girls gifs

when you can’t eat certain foods for a week beforehand

learning popcorn is one of those things

the day before when u can only have clear liquids

when u see someone with food

when yr starving and slightly delirious from all the gatorade

the night before when u have to drink a ton of gross bowel prep liquid

spending hours in the bathroom

when you realize you have to wake up at 4am to drink MORE prep liquid

running to the bathroom

when it’s finally time for the colonoscopy

once they turn on the anesthesia

when u wake up and realize it’s over

afterwards, when u should prolly eat something healthy

being able to eat berries, nuts, and popcorn again


20 experiences to buy instead of things

goodnight, sweet prince

I did something big (to me) today. I DELETED MY PINTEREST. Hey-o! (I know. In the grand scheme, it’s…somewhat less important than Russian meddling in the 2016 election, but anyway.)

My Pinterest served two purposes: cataloging all the shit I wanted to buy, and collecting inspirational interior design photos/badass quotes. I’m trying to work on my shopaholic tendencies, and Pinterest directly contributes to them. So I took the plunge.

But HELP! What do I spend my paycheck on if not clothes I don’t need, books I still haven’t read, and other random trinkets I’ll just have to Marie Kondo later? Experiences, it turns out:

Recent research from San Francisco State University found that people who spent money on experiences rather than material items were happier and felt the money was better spent. The thrill of purchasing things fades quickly but the joy and memories of experiences, from epic adventures to minute encounters, can last a lifetime. 

This is helpful yet vague, so I made Ye Olde List of 20 Experiences To Spend Mah Munny On Instead of Stuff. In no particular order:

  1. a massage
  2. cup of tea/glass of wine at neighborhood spot
  3. a pedicure
  4. a concert
  5. a museum visit
  6. a night or two at the coast
  7. a play
  8. a drag show
  9. weekend brunch
  10. a good haircut
  11. lunch at food carts if I’m at work
  12. afternoon coffee/tea with coworkers
  13. dinner/drinks with friends
  14. roller derby
  15. a painting or improv class
  16. having people over for drinks/dessert/board games
  17. a donation to an LGBTQ group, Planned Parenthood, NARAL, etc.
  18. a retreat somewhere
  19. yoga class or personal trainer
  20. travel

I realize that, except for #17, this is still spending money on ME and potentially JUST as self-indulgent as buying actual stuff. And who knows if I’ll be able to quit buying fun scented candles and whatnot cold turkey. (Does a tattoo count as a thing?) Baby steps…

journal #9

we all scream for hayley kiyoko amirite

been listening to a lot of ’90s hip hop & binge-watching Living Single (highly recommend)