How to get money

Look at that old man with glasses! He probably knows where money is!
Look at that old man with glasses! He probably knows where money is!

Everybody wants money. Without it, you can’t take a bath. Here are 7 proven ways to get more money into your money-house.

1. Log into online banking and refresh the page a lot

Click, click, click. Every time you click, more money will come into your account. It’s like a chain letter, only better! When you click, you’re summoning the money and it knows it’s supposed to fly to you like a homing pigeon. Don’t stop clicking or the money will get scared and leave.

2. Go to a bank

Explain to the nice teller that you don’t want to take money from YOUR account, because there isn’t any in there; you want some of the extra money that hasn’t been assigned to a checking account yet. It’s first-come, first-serve, so try to get there really early Monday morning.

3. Talk to your friends

If you tell your friends you’re looking for money, they might divulge where they find it in the woods. Like with a good shiitake, most people are very private about where they spot money, but real friends are willing to tell.

4. Look on the ground

Pennies come up out of the dirt when it rains to breathe. Keep your eye on curbs, gutters, storm drains, and other places coins like to slither around.

I know I said 7, but that’s all the time we have for today! Happy money-finding, friends!!!!!!1

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