Remember when I had daily access to Photoshop AND a plausible reason to look at Womenswear Daily all day long? I miss those days. Not that job, just making fashion collages. So armed with a free online Photoshop ripoff and slightly rusty skillz, I’M BACK. Here we go (all photos via WWD):
The Valentino team realized, “OMG, women kind of look like FLOWERS! What if we, like, put blossoms on their heads?!” Gee, what a groundbreaking thought. Kaia Gerber’s gravity-defying hair was the MVP here (sorry, other lady whose name I don’t know).
WAIT stop the presses I had this image open in another tab and forgot to put it in my collage AND IT IS THE BEST ONE (sorry sorryyyyy):
Is that Michelangelo meets Barney? Is it an eggplant kale turtlenecked toga?! Is it a Greek god and/or taste like Greek dressing?! Pun not intended! Moving on to L’Atelier Sonia Rykiel:
Black and white usually puts me to sleep, but the textures (feathers! yarn!) and thoughtful asymmetry really got me here. The second lady from the left is straight outta some hip MacBeth adaptation. Love these slouchy berets with embellishments! That sweater thing on the right could be hiding at your local Goodwill. YOU NEVER KNOW.
Back to your regularly scheduled mermaid unicorn vibes, courtesy of Fendi. Sheer fabrics! Faux (hopefully faux???) fur! Slightly Black Swan-esque cat eyes! Um…yeah. That’s all I got.
Calvin Klein spring 2019 was a bore except for this sensitive firefighter, who saves lives by quoting Wes Anderson:
U ready to get RILL wild? Maison Margiela is serving alien-dumpster-diving-outside-a-Crayola-factory vibes:
There were lots more that looked like the designers ran out of time and just belted the models in huge puffer coats at a lopsided angle and called it a day. Otherwise I really liked this one.
Fasten your spacebelt, Ziggy, cuz it’s time for intergalactic prom:
Wearable disco balls from Rami Kadi. Bowie would approve. And what’s more dapper than a woman in a boxy hat?
Miu Miu was hard to choose. Flowy sheer fabrics, neon florals, and fluffy sandals all really rang my bell. (Still processing the Mia Farrow-esque lady in a babydoll slip…infantilizing but not sexualized?)
Although it seems kind of mean to make grown-ass women like Chloe Sevigny slick their hair down into the most unflattering hairstyle ever and strut around with emaciated teenage models, who would make even the most fit and Botoxed celebrity look fat and saggy. I’m not being ageist–people should be allowed to be fat and saggy! It’s normal! The fact that the fashion industry’s holy grail is basically a white, 6-foot-tall, 90-pound 9th grader, and that that is for some reason what American women are judged against, is all kinds of FUUUCKED UP. /rant
OK. Two more. Let’s cheer things up. SUNNY BUBBLEGUM THYME:
Aren’t those shoes just the best thing you’ve ever seen? And I am ALL ABOUT a two-tone polo!
Here’s Christian Wijnants:
I LOVE THIS GREEN. (Grass? Avocado?) I feel like fashion designers, at least the affordable mass-market-y ones I buy, stay away from green in favor of navy, red, and neutrals. But green looks good on lots of skin tones/colorings! Thank you, designer whose name I can’t even spell and know nothing about, for making some lively patterns and bright bicep-high gloves and using this lovely green. Plus, these outfits look comfy, except for the pointy shoes.
All right, for the zero people still reading this, WE MADE IT TO THE END! Thank you for tuning into this episode of Holly’s Arbitrarily Selected Fashion Lewkz. What will you be wearing this fall? I personally am itching to buy some wacky oversized dresses from Goodwill, patterned ’80s blazers, and a long trench coat, and wear ’em all with my Docs. Which meaaaans I’ll probably just wear jeans and t-shirts. Yep. K. Bye.