Which Golden Girl are you? An existential crisis

I am a Rose. Always have been, probably always will be.

But I’ve spent most of my life trying to be the other ones.

Sure, Rose is sweet. But she’s the one you make fun of for being so innocent and optimistic and ditzy.

Dorothy is the cool one. Dorothy is the equivalent of being a badass, snarky cool girl in a leather jacket, chain-smoking and playing drums in a riot grrrl band and dating a woman totally nonchalantly even though it’s the ’90s. (Very specific, I know.)

I had a *~breakthrough~* in therapy today and realized I have been trying SO SO long to NOT be a Rose. (Excusing for the moment that no one real person can 100% be a fictional character created in the ’80s.) I was afraid as a Rose I’m not good enough. I guess I thought if I really admitted and embraced being a Rose, I’d have to hang out with other Roses 24/7 because the Blanches and Dorothys and Sophias of the world wouldn’t like me.

It’s silly, I know, but I was am insecure.

But you know what? Trying to be someone you’re not is EXHAUSTING. Beating yourself up for not being edgier or snarkier or more extroverted or having more sex is NOT healthy or productive!

Nobody’s like, “Yo, Rose. Quit being yourself. We need two Dorothys instead of one Dorothy and one of you.” That’d be ridiculous! (Also boring, right?!)

It’s like that quoted-to-death saying, “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” Being myself is scary sometimes, though. I’m very judgmental, especially toward myself. There are tons of things I don’t like about myself (still getting zits in my 30s! constantly running late! unwillingness to go to even the world’s most convenient gym!).

How is it OK to be myself when I “should” be so much better or even someone else entirely?

That sounds like a pretty shitty way to live, though. The only answer is to accept my Rose-ness and trust that the Blanches and Dorothys (not really Sophias, because she’s just so caustic…see? total Rose) of the world will still want to be my friend.

Plus, I tell WAY fewer stories about St. Olaf. 😉

How to dress like Penelope Garcia

how to dress like penelope garcia

I’m on season 3 of Criminal Minds (only a decade behind!) and in love with Penelope Garcia (Kirsten Vangsness) and Dr. Reid (Matthew Gray Gubler) like everyone else. Specifically: GARCIA’S STYLE. While the rest of her team looks like they’re perpetually on their way to a funeral (which…they sort of are?), Garcia wears florals, colorful glasses, and funky jewelry. Her fashion sense reflects her playful sexiness and quick wit. She’s 100% delightful (especially since Kirsten Vangsness herself is “as queer as a purple unicorn singing Madonna”).

penelope garcia fashion style

So you wanna dress like Garcia? DON’T WE ALL! Here’s how:

  • Embrace your curves. Garcia often wears wrap dresses or scoop-neck tops that show off her amazing boobs. Fit-and-flare dresses or a-line skirts, too. (Yay for non-skinny people on TV!)
  • Wear bright, summery colors. While her team wears neutrals, Garcia’s palette is warm, ~*SenSuAL*~ berry tones like red/purple/pink, as well as happy yellows/oranges and vibrant teal.
  • Add a zany cardigan or blazer to a solid-colored top, or vice versa.
  • PATTERNS! Paisley, polka dots, stars, plaid, you name it.
  • Channel ’50s pinup girl meets garden party or punk rawk.
  • Accessorize with novelty earrings, statement necklaces, and chunky bracelets. Also glitter. Glitter’s an accessory, right?
  • Wear a multicolored headband, barrettes, fake daisy, or feathers in your hair.
  • Shiny lip gloss. Heels, if u want.
  • MORE IS MORE!

penelope garcia criminal minds fashion style

Sounds cheesy, but Garcia’s aesthetic has an empowering subtext: You can be sexy and smart. You can be feminine and professional. You can be vivacious and whimsical and amazing at your job. You don’t have to sacrifice color or style or silliness to be successful. That shouldn’t be revolutionary, but pop culture loves its stereotypes (“blondes are airheads”), and thanks to sexism, women feel pressure to dress and act like men to succeed at work:

One in four women dress in a more masculine way – discarding high heels and dresses for trouser suits – acting under the belief they should look like their male colleagues to be treated seriously. A further quarter wear less makeup at work, partly to dispel the notion that all women must ‘look pretty,’ the survey of 2,000 working women showed.

To sum up:

All of the standards of appearance being pushed on employees in office environments are, essentially, strongholds of white male standards of power.

FUCK THAT. Express your personality! Stand out! Be a Garcia! (Ahem. I got excited.)

Looking forward to 10 more seasons of her fantastic style. Stay wonderful, tech kitten. 🦄

ETA: Check out the kind Sheila‘s real-life Garcia style here! Am I biased because she linked to me and was super-sweet? Yes. And no. Her style is awesome, and her blog will make you smile.

fave cannes lewkz

cannes 2016 fashion outfits

all photos via vogue uk

There was a LOT of black and boring stuff, so obviously I rooted through til I found the pink yellow puke amazingness (even though I only know who like 3 of these people are).

um that multicolor strapless number (by Naeem Khan)! I AM IN AWE. and Vanessa Paradis’s flamingo pink heels and menswear. I know Riley Keough’s vomit-and-magenta Gucci dress is gonna be a FASHION DON’T but i love it. Daring colors plus ruffles and a ’90s feel, amirite?

ahhh. pastel candy monster temporarily satiated.

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Pitch Perfect and attachment theory

I love Pitch Perfect. It has plenty of problems with race. But it also has a cast full of talented, awesome women (Rebel Wilson, pre-Super Fun Night…those were the days), a female writer, and a female producer. And Beca (Anna Kendrick), its main character, has a really refreshing take on relationships.

pitch-perfect-anna-kendrick

attached-bookLet’s back up. Have you read the book Attached (subtitle: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find — And Keep — Love)? Kelly leant it to me a while back and it’s no exaggeration that it changed my life. Basically, the book’s authors use attachment theory to trace how childhood experiences with your parents (did they give you enough love/attention?) shape your adult dating life. To sum it up, which of these three examples from U of Illinois is closest to how you act in relationships?

  1. I get a bit uncomfortable being close to others; it’s hard to trust them completely or allow myself to depend on them. I feel nervous when anyone gets too close.
  2. It’s fairly easy for me to get close to others, and I’m comfortable when we depend on each other. I don’t worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too close to me.
  3. Love interests are reluctant to get as close as I’d like. I often worry that my partner doesn’t really love me or won’t want to stay with me. I want to get very close to my partner, and this sometimes scares people away.

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